Maternity leave begins

Maternity leave: so far, so good.

For most of my pregnancy, I've been looking forward to maternity leave. I think I have an awesome job, so it's not that I was itching to get out of anything at work. It's that the idea of time off (government paid!) to spend time becoming a mother seemed like a dream. I've long anticipated motherhood, so I long anticipated maternity leave.

Then, last week, with two days leave at the office, I freaked out! Am I ready for maternity leave? Am I ready to unplug from my pastor-related responsibilities? Am I ready for labor, for childbirth, for those first few weeks of dealing with a frightened, adjusting-to-the-world-outside newborn? Have a spent enough time reflecting on the major transition that's about to take place? Have a journaled enough, prayed enough, prepared enough? With these questions flying around in my mind, I barely knew what to do with myself. It was almost as if the concrete reality of saying good-bye to work made this whole thing that much more real. And I felt scared. And overwhelmed.

Well, it's been a week. And as I've already said: so far, so good. (Thank you, Lord!) This past Thursday was my first official day "at home". I got up and had a nice breakfast with Dave, saw him off to the church with a hug and a prayer, and then promptly crawled back into bed. My body was like, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" I don't think that I've found proper answers to all of last week's questions. But being on maternity leave feels right and good and fitting. It feels right to clean our suite and organize the baby's room (like I did yesterday). It feels right to run a few errands to stock cupboards and shelves (like I did today). It feels right to sleep late and rest more (like I do everyday now).

The worst part about maternity leave so far has been feeling bummed for Dave, who not only continues to work, but is working more than he has before. Now that I'm off, his hours have been increased to full-time. Dave would love being home just as much as I do, so it's sad for me that he doesn't get this same opportunity. A friend reminded me the other day that there might come a point in time during the next year where I feel like he's the lucky one who gets to go to work! I hope that happens. Quite frankly, it would relieve some of my guilt.

The best part about maternity leave might have been my day today. Enjoyed a leisurely morning in my bathrobe with my Bible. Had an appointment with my midwife (the baby's doin' great!). Shopped for some during-labor and after-labor supplies. Ate a grilled-cheese/celery sticks/carrot sticks/grapefruit slices lunch while watching the second half of the Star Wars movie I started last night. Chatted with a dear, dear woman from church who dropped off a gift. Sat on my front porch, in the sunshine, with a good book, and (instead of reading) observed the emerging signs of Spring. Doesn't that sound soo good? It is. It really, really is.