Did I ever tell you about the last time I found out I was pregnant? I remember it being a rather awkward experience.
A day or two after I began to wonder, I had a doctor's appointment to have some stitches removed. I was lying on the examination table. My doctor was picking away at the teeny, black threads he had put in my back a week before, and in a small-talkish kind of way, I mentioned it: "My period's late."
"How exciting!" he exclaimed. And I promise you, I'm not over-dramatizing. He truly did exclaim. Our doctor was relatively new to us at the time, and I didn't yet know that he loves babies. He is super-family-oriented and thinks that pregnancies and births and newborns and healthy, growing families are the best things in the entire world. If I had known that then, I may have expected his joyfully response. But instead, I was just plain taken aback.
Soon after the jubilant "how exciting!", he asked, "So, what do you think? Do you want to find out if you are pregnant right now?!?!"
What I thought was: "Heck no. I'll wait til I'm with my husband, thank you very much."
But what I said was: "Ummm.... I don't know. Dave and I were thinking of buying a pregnancy test in a couple of days."
He didn't take the hint. "Oh, come on," he said. "I'll save you the money!"
A minute later, he had finished with the stitches and pointed me towards the bathroom with a bottle to fill. When I returned with it, he took a few drips, dropped them on a little, white plastic thing, and told me about how pregnancy tests worked.
We waited and waited. It was probably only a full minute or two, but it felt like an eternity. He hummed to himself. I counted ceiling tiles. One would think that I would have felt a mixture of nervousness and excitement. What if I'm pregnant? What if I'm not pregnant? But no. All I could feel was utter panic. How am I supposed to react? What am I supposed to do? Cry? Laugh? Give him a handshake? Give him a hug? I felt so unprepared! I was not expecting to share my special "finding out" moment with my GP.
Finally, a "positive" appeared. All happy, he said, "Well look at that! You are pregnant!" All uptight, I said, "Yes. Yes... I am." He stood there and nodded. I stood there and nodded. And, of course, we were smiling huge smiles too, because even though it did feel awkward, it was the news we both hoped for - so it felt pretty great too.
This time around, finding out was a much more relaxed experience. I went to the grocery store and bought a pregnancy test. When Dave and I got a quiet moment that evening, I took it. Then, boom! Positive! A hug and a high-five later, the proud Dad took a few pics, the first record of pregnancy #2.
I suppose that having two completely different "finding out" experiences is only the beginning of a theme that will continue to develop. Even though I've done this once before, I'm sure it will be completely different this time around. Ever since finding out, that has been the case. Physically I feel different. Emotionally I feel different. This will culminate when - 29 weeks from now - I give birth to a completely different child. As this pregnancy unfolds, I hope and pray that I can be open and ready to receive whatever experiences are in store.
Love your picture Brittney!!! So happy for you both.
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